Confidence or Conceit? The Bright Side of Narcissism
When we hear the word narcissist, we often imagine someone loud, self-absorbed, and constantly self-promoting—an attention seeker and a bragging machine. Not exactly someone you’d want on your team or as a life partner.
But the truth is more nuanced. Narcissistic traits often originate from confidence, and when balanced with self-awareness, that confidence can be a valuable strength.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. When kept in check, it can inspire innovation, foster bold leadership, and even strengthen relationships.
The Fine Line Between Confidence and Conceit
Confidence is magnetic. It helps people take risks, speak up, and lead in a crisis. Conceit, on the other hand, repels. It silences collaboration and breeds resentment.
Meet Victor: A Case Study in Overdrive
Victor is a senior leader at a fast-growing tech company. He’s smart, driven, and accomplished. And he makes sure everyone knows it.
In meetings, Victor highlights his wins more than his team’s. He dominates conversations with stories of his success. His need for recognition overshadows his actual contributions.
But Victor’s behavior isn’t rooted in arrogance. It’s insecurity disguised as bravado. And ironically, what he needs most isn’t less attention. It’s genuine recognition. When people truly acknowledge his efforts, he doesn’t have to keep asking for it.
Healthy Narcissism Looks a Lot Like Confidence
Now imagine a more self-aware Victor. He still enjoys the spotlight, but he’s learned to share it. He gives credit to his team. He’s still driven but less defensive. His confidence inspires others rather than intimidates them.
This is what healthy narcissism looks like in action:
- Taking initiative without overshadowing others.
- Feeling proud without making others feel insignificant.
- Speaking up with confidence, not arrogance.
Balanced with humility, these traits become assets, not liabilities.
How to Work With a Narcissist (and Stay Sane)
Working with someone who leans heavily into narcissistic behavior doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells or fight fire with fire.
Try this instead:
- Frame Things from Their Perspective: When presenting ideas, connect them to their goals and how they help them win.
- Be Direct: Be clear and confident with them. That earns their respect.
- Pick Your Battles: Don’t challenge everything. Focus your energy on what really matters.
- Assume Good Intent: They may come off as self-centered, but they’re often just wired to lead and succeed.
- Don’t Take It Personally: Their behavior isn’t aimed at you. It’s usually just a reflection of how they’re trying to prove themselves.
Narcissism Through the Lens of DISC Personality Styles
In DISC terms, narcissistic tendencies often appear when a personality style is pushed too far. A narcissistic Eagle becomes controlling and arrogant. A narcissistic Parrot becomes performative and shallow. Even a Dove or Owl, when overwhelmed, might hide insecurity through passive resistance or rigid control.
No style is immune. But with awareness, each can be guided back to a more balanced, productive version of itself.
Confidence Doesn’t Have to Become Conceit
Next time someone says, “Look what I did,” pause before rolling your eyes. They might not be bragging; they could just be seeking recognition.
When narcissistic traits are balanced with empathy and self-awareness, they cease to be toxic and instead become transformative.
About the Author
Merrick Rosenberg is the author of Personality Intelligence: Master the Art of Being You, The Chameleon, and many other books for adults, students, and kids. He is the creator of the Eagle, Parrot, Dove, and Owl personality approach. As an award-winning speaker and President of Take Flight Learning, Merrick teaches people how to understand themselves and others through the lens of personality, because when you know your style, you unlock your path.
